Here’s a little something I kept from when HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS came on video. I’m glad someone was keeping track of these kinda stats.

This clipping was taken from a Spring, 1990 edition of Entertainment Weekly.

#fearflashbacks #halloween5therevengeofmichaelmyers #entertainmentweekly

Nothing to see here–just Tom Savini making that money.

Though I saw it as a major step down from DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978), any horror fan would be crazy to say that DAY OF THE DEAD didn’t have some of the best FX of the 1980s. Truly some awe-inspiring work on display here.

Taken from Fangoria Poster Magazine #1 (1987)

#onesheetwonders #dayofthedead #dawnofthedead #tomsavini #fangoria

Opie’s little brother goes buckwild on some bullies…and hey, there are some pigs running around here, too! 

Some movie characters are so terribly bullied, you’re willing to give them a Charles Bronson-like free pass to even the score. Stanley Coopersmith is a paunchy orphan attending West Andover Military Academy, and every person there hates his goddamn guts. Fellow cadets tie his clothes in knots, joke about his dead parents, and kill his puppy. The teachers aren’t any better, looking the other way in Stanley’s times of need while giving him lowly chores such as looking after the pigsty (every college has one,…right?) and cleaning out the church basement. 

The latter of these punishments leads him to finding a book of black magic penned by a 16th century Spanish satanist, Father Lorenzo Esteban. Somehow, Stanley has access to some kind of early-80s ChatGPT-level translation software, and he quickly uncovers the text to Esteban’s pentagram-clad tome. Using these centuries-old details of black masses, Coopersmith conjures up the Prince of Darkness using little more than some human blood and a Commodore 64 floppy disk. 

No, absolutely none of this is believable, especially in 1981, but once Stanley’s cronies start biting the dust, it doesn’t matter! Consecrated host this, sulfur that, blood whatever, blah, blah – BAM! After 75 minutes of satanic masturbation and technical hooey, we get exactly what we came for: a levitating, sword-wielding weakling about to go apeshit on his bullies. Hearts are pulled from chests, fat kids are eaten alive by pigs, and heads are split open like watermelons at a Gallagher comedy show. 

There are a number of reasons EVILSPEAK wasn’t a sensation when it first hit theaters. Many films of the 70s and 80s slasher cycle were hurt by widespread and often excessive censorship here in the US. The theatrical, R-rated cut of the EVILSPEAK was a neutered mess, extracting a hefty portion of the bloody vengeance everyone waits for in its final reels. I remember having to buy an import VHS copy in the 90s to finally see the complete film. Not only did the movie fall under the axe of the MPAA, but it was a late-edition coda of sorts to the ‘satanic panic’ of 1970s horror films. By the early 1980s, trickle-down economics had reared its ugly head and we had worse things to worry about than Satan. 

The glory of the DVD era allowed us all to enjoy EVILSPEAK the way it was meant to be seen. When you combine this with a solid cast that includes Richard Moll (Bull the bailiff on “Night Court”), R.G. Armstrong (the mechanic in CHILDREN OF THE CORN), and Clint Howard as Coopersmith, you really can’t go wrong. Every time I watch this movie, I can’t help but think of Howard’s turn in that “Seinfeld” episode, “The Trip (Part 2)”. His reading of “Ah, Ann Landers SUCKS!” is still one of the greatest lines from season four. Do yourself a favor and watch EVILSPEAK and then that “Seinfeld” episode, back to back. It’ll give you a great, two-hour overview of Clint Howard’s career in one entertaining evening. 

#unclean&unseen #evilspeak #clinthoward #richardmoll #rgarmstrong #satan #mpaa #childrenofthecorn #seinfeld #nightcourt #gallagher #charlesbronson #annlanders

Hey, I’ll be the first to admit that Kevin Williamson wore out his welcome really fast in the horror genre, but I always thought that Wes Craven’s SCREAM 2 was a solid sequel to a film that, for better or worse, totally changed the face of horror cinema.

Today, we give you yet another whiny bitch who is seemingly more depressed than an unemployed alcoholic with a bad case of hemorrhoids. Lighten up, dude. I mean, Heather Graham makes a cameo in this! Yes, the chick that was in BOOGIE NIGHTS, DRUGSTORE COWBOY, and AUSTIN POWERS 2. I don’t know if Heather Graham is capable of making a bad movie!

Recently, I’ve been watching a lot of old Siskel and Ebert horror reviews on YouTube, and I gotta admit, the fat one gets whipped into such a lather over slasher films, you almost think he’s gonna collapse from a coronary right there on the set. (His reviews of those mid-80s FRIDAY THE 13th sequels are comedy gold.) What originally seemed to be singular, self-important voices making vain attempts to join the ranks of the morality police have years later become hilarious reading for genre fans.

Keep those one-star reviews a-coming.

#fearflashbacks #scream2 #wescraven #kevinwilliamson #heathergraham #siskelandebert #fridaythe13th

Goddamn, there hasn’t been a double bill this good since chocolate and peanut butter!

Kudos to the insane Brit who thought of putting these two slasher classics together for one shorts-soiling evening at the cinema. Now this is a night out. Though Hooper’s sleazy, suspenseful THE FUNHOUSE is the slightly better film of the two, the long-lost uncut edition of MY BLOODY VALENTINE has proved itself an absolute monster and a MUST for tonight’s Valentine’s Day viewing!

Ad originally appeared around London in the spring of 1981, just a couple of months after the release of both films.

#fearflashbacks #mybloodyvalentine #thefunhouse #tobehooper #slashers #valentinesday

Listen up, lonely hearts–spaghetti and Harry Warden is actually better than most of the Valentine’s Days I’ve had , so just go with it. And, to be honest, some really good garlic bread kicks ass and is totally underrated.

#killermemes&comics #mybloodyvalentine #valentinesday #garlicbread

An auteur of Italian cinema waves his bloody hand goodbye.

Regardless of whether stuffier critics want to admit it or not, Italian director Mario Bava was a pioneer in the film community. He consistently released garish, attention-grabbing shockers such as BLACK SUNDAY (1960) and A BAY OF BLOOD (1971) that laid the template for gothic, slasher, and splatterpunk works for the remainder of the 20th century.

Already in poor health by the time of filming, SHOCK was to be Bava’s last film before his death in April, 1980. For his swan song, Bava isn’t interested in high-concept shocks, or even retreading his earlier blood-n-Technicolor proto-slasher, BLOOD AND BLACK LACE. Instead, he settled on a rather subdued study in losing your marbles.

Recovering from her former hubby’s suicide, a woman opts to spent time in a funny farm getting electro-zapped in an effort to escape her past. This probably isn’t a stellar idea by anyone’s estimation when you have a son still young enough to be in primary school. Yes, like most great 1970s scare films, our plot revolves around a child. When the boy starts skulking around his new home and saying things like “Mama, I have to kill you”, you know the parental figures in his life haven’t hit a home run when it comes to explaining the death of his father. It’s this creepy approach–where the fingers of sculptures reach out from furniture, underwear is mysteriously shredded, and razor blades are found wedged in between the keys of laughing pianos–that stands as the quiet strength of Bava’s approach. Well, until the histrionic, SUSPIRIA-like ending kicks in, including one of the gnarliest jump scares of the year!

And while we’re on the topic, you may notice that the soundtrack sounds a lot like Goblin, the Italian prog-rock group who basically served as Dario Argento’s house band from the mid-70s to the mid-80s. That’s because Libra, the outfit responsible for much of SHOCK’s impact, is made up of former members of Goblin and wisely assumed the better-known group’s playbook after their notable successes in the horror genre. This time around, Libra almost sounds as if they’re test-driving some ideas for Goblin, with passages that hint at motifs later used for DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978) and BEYOND THE DARKNESS (1979).

Like every other Italian horror flick of the era, SHOCK sported a strange alias once it debuted in America. Despite its original title being IT’S ALWAYS COLD AT 33 CLOCK STREET, distributors Film Ventures International stapled the curious title BEYOND THE DOOR II to the film ahead of its US debut in the spring of 1979. Sure, it was a lucrative yet slightly immoral move, but other than sharing the same child actor, the film holds absolutely no connection whatsoever to the infamous EXORCIST rip.

Ultimately, Bava bids us arrivederci with a peculiar meditation on drug abuse, regret, and parenthood, blending modern horror cinema anguish with the stylish, old-fashioned creeps from his earliest days of filmmaking. Bava’s son, Lamberto, would soon after assume the mantle of his father, continuing the family tradition with such genre classics as A BLADE IN THE DARK (1983) and DEMONS (1985). 

#unclean&unseen #shock #beyondthedoorii #itsalwayscoldat33clockstreet #blacksunday #bloodandblacklace #abayofblood #demons #abladeinthedark #theexorcist #mariobava #lambertobava #libra #goblin #filmventuresinternational

Ya know, I still don’t know why critics even bother reviewing slasher films. They all hate them and we horror fans have never given two shits about what they say. Case in point is today’s post from when the sequel to Tobe Hooper’s drive-in classic surfaced in theaters courtesy of Cannon Films.

Hell, I’ll be the first to admit that this film doesn’t hold a candle to the original, but is anyone so badly ego formed that they’ll actually put stock into a single movie review? Ultimately, it’s tough to take a critic seriously when they’re hellbent on delivering a ‘serious’ critique dogging the sequel’s amoral, pretentious posturing while still providing chainsaw-related quips every few sentences. Geesh, lighten up Jack Curry. (I would’ve loved to have heard the social commentary he found in HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS!)

This review was taken from some L.A.-area newspaper in the late summer of 1986.

#fearflashbacks #thetexaschainsawmassacrepart2 #tobehooper #cannonfilms #hollywoodchainsawhookers

HEART EYES, the well-reviewed new horror offering serving as the first Valentine’s Day thriller in numerous years, stumbled over the finish line this weekend with a disappointing $8.5 million in receipts. Considering that’s not even half of its reported $18 million budget isn’t reassuring for distributor Sony Pictures Releasing, but hopefully it gains steam when it hits streaming outlets.

Horror fans weren’t the only ones who didn’t turn out to cinemas this weekend. The action-comedy LOVE HURTS got bruised even worse than HEART EYES did, and Universal’s animated DOG MAN took a big shit by losing approximately 62% of its audience in its second week.

Lesson learned: Don’t ever open a movie on Super Bowl weekend.

#horrorhappenings #hearteyes #sonypicturesreleasing #dogman #lovehurts #superbowl

Osgood Perkins, still basking in the $125 million glow of LONGLEGS, is at it again already!

I’m sure you’ve already heard that Perkins will be at the helm of the film adaptation of Stephen King’s short story, “The Monkey”, but just in case you haven’t seen the nasty red-band trailer, get yo’ monkey butt over to to YouTube and check that shit out! It’s cra-zay!

The story was originally published in Gallery back in 1980 before undergoing a massive redraft for inclusion in King’s 1985 anthology, “Skeleton Crew”. The adaptation looks like it could be another bullseye not just for Perkins but for producer James Wan. We’ll all find out for sure once THE MONKEY hits theaters on February 21st.

#horrorhappenings #themonkey #osgoodperkins #jameswan #stephenking #skeletoncrew #gallery #trailer