As a tribute to my latest bout of insomnia, here’s another classic ‘Scream Greats’ pull out poster from Fangoria, circa 1987.

#onesheetwonders #anightmareonelmstreet3dreamwarriors #freddykrueger #fangoria #screamgreats

Long before the internet, “Terror in the Aisles” offered up a very uneven but very satisfying compilation for fright fans. 

Kids nowadays have no idea what we had to do to catch our favorite horror films in the ‘olden days’. Sleepovers at your rich friend’s house. HBO free preview weekends. Swiping your grandfather’s video store card. Hell, my generation put as much effort into seeing verboten movies as we did into getting laid.

Forty years ago this month, Universal Pictures was putting some real muscle behind the release of TERROR IN THE AISLES, a scattershot documentary highlighting some of the most suspenseful and violent moments from more than 50 years of film. From straight-up horror offerings such as PSYCHO and JAWS, sci-fi terrors like ALIEN and INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, and even uber-violent action films like VICE SQUAD, MS .45, and NIGHTHAWKS, TERROR IN THE AISLES promised heart-pounding scares in spades. 

Universal seemed to pump a lot of money into the release, probably because acquiring all the rights to make the damn thing undoubtedly cost a pretty penny. Its accompanying TV spots featured everyone’s favorite pair of horror boobs, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, and, in one of my geekiest horror fan moments, I actually sat by the VCR for over six hours to tape those commercials. I can’t believe I just admitted that. (Yes, I think I still have the tape.)

My mother was famous for fainting at the sight of blood. When cleaning, she would duck into my bedroom to give it a quick dusting, keeping her eyes down so as not to catch sight of its gore-plastered walls. As you might assume, she wisely opted out of being my chaperone for TERROR IN THE AISLES. (That head explosion from SCANNERS alone would have sent her screaming for the exits.) Therefore, one of her co-workers was drafted in her place, and off we went for one of the more memorable horror outings of my childhood. 

The film worked on a clever albeit lowest-common-denominator level in that its droll hosts, Nancy Allen and Donald Pleasance, offered all their snarky comments in narrative bumpers from inside a packed movie house. It was a neat little juxtaposition for the audiences of TERROR IN THE AISLES to watch our onscreen proxies call out characters for their bad choices (“Don’t drop the knife, asshole!”) or get busted by ushers for toking on joints. This set-up gets even more interesting when we see Allen sex it up in clips from Brian De Palma’s DRESSED TO KILL, or Pleasance give his spiel in HALLOWEEN about Michael Myers being the personification of evil.

One of the most amusing things about TERROR IN THE AISLES was the fact that, even though every single clip featured had been granted nothing more severe than an “R” rating by the MPAA (now known simply as the MPA), the documentary was initially slapped with an “X” rating until the producers pared down some of its more intense sequences. 

When the dust from its opening weekend had settled, the film ended up being inched out of the top spot at the US box office by a mere $10,000. The winner? Just a little film you may have heard of called THE TERMINATOR, which debuted in theaters the very same day. 

Despite its surprise success, TERROR IN THE AISLES fell into obscurity in the wake of the internet’s era of instant gratification–suddenly, anyone could go to YouTube and make their own damn version of it. However, for fright neophytes and hardcore horror fans alike, I highly recommend the awesome Shout Factory blu-ray release. Not only do you get a fine transfer of Universal’s theatrical version, you get as a bonus the radically different ‘television cut’ of the film, which is ironically over ten minutes longer! 

#letsallgotothelobbytogetourselvessomemeat #terrorintheaisles #donaldpleasance #nancyallen #universalpictures #elvira #shoutfactory #theterminator #scanners #psycho #jaws #ms45 #dressedtokill #halloween #vicesquad #invasionofthebodysnatchers #nighthawks #alien #compilationfilms #documentaryfilms

Call it a coincidence.

I recently finished up a retrospective on one of the “Blind Dead” sequels that will be featured on the blog here soon. Imagine my surprise when I then ran across this hilarious little number that’s been circulating in online horror communities. I laughed so hard, I almost dropped my syrup!

#killermemes&comics #tombsoftheblinddead #wafflehouse

We got some bad news for fans of the small-screen adaptation of Don Mancini’s CHILD’S PLAY. USA Network and SyFy announced Friday that the show won’t be renewed for a fourth season. Series veteran Jennifer Tilly also broke the news that same day via her X account. 

In an article courtesy of the fine folks at Deadline, creator Mancini expressed that he was ‘heartbroken’ by the decision, but remained optimistic that Chucky could continue wreaking his havoc if picked up by another outlet. Likewise, this notion has been spearheaded by fans who’ve recently implemented a #RenewChucky campaign for the series. 

You can get all the details via Deadline’s original article here. 

#horrorhappenings #chucky #cancellation #childsplay #donmancini #usanetwork #syfy #jennifertilly #renewchucky #deadline

It’s almost time! VALHALLA FEROX, the first entry in my new historical horror novella series, “Vein Passages”, will drop here on UBHB on Tuesday, October 8th!

For a limited time, each novella in the series will be featured exclusively here on the blog for *FREE* I shit you not! Weren’t expecting that, were you? After the series is complete, it will be published in book/e-book form, but for now, you can whet your appetite for blood with no money down!

Follow my blog if you haven’t already so you can keep up with all the latest updates and details. For now, though, check out the blurb below and shine up your Viking helmets. Less than two weeks from now, it’s on!

Christopher Mulley turns eight years old today. He’s grown up his whole life on the Isle of Man, hearing his father tell enchanting tales of how their ancestors overtook the Vikings to claim the island for the United Kingdom. 

Now, that rotting Nordic army has returned from Valhalla, and 800 years of vengeance is about to be turned loose. 

The festivities for the island’s national holiday are brought to a grim and sudden halt as the Viking undead begin a march inland from each shore. Rusted axes, spears, and swords strike down the guilty residents with no quarter, while flames lick pristine houses and smoke chokes the once quiet countryside. Soon, the Mulleys must run for their lives, only to find nowhere to hide from the fate that has come for them—a colossal, underworld terror that will stop at nothing to right the wrongs of the past.

#horrorhappenings #valhallaferox #veinpassages #horror #historicalhorror #series #vikings #hardcore #free #fiction #exclusive

Ah, it’s time for another entry from those old Fangoria Poster Magazines.

Yeah, LEATHERFACE: TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE III wasn’t the best sequel in horror history, but I remember when this came out in late 1990 and its original trailer was fabulous. It was a take on the ‘lady of the lake’ scene in John Boorman’s EXCALIBUR (1981), substituting King Arthur’s legendary sword for a revving, chrome-plated chainsaw. If you haven’t seen it, or you just want to relive it again, check it out here.

#onesheetwonders #leatherfacetexaschainsawmassacreIII #fangoria #trailer #excalibur #johnboorman

Today’s entry is something I kept from the Christmas season of 1986. Though the film was only a modest hit at the box office, Frank Oz’s adaptation of LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS certainly rang the bell with critics, as evidenced in this advert trumpeting its award potential. To an extent, it worked–the film would go on to snag Oscar, Golden Globe, Hugo, and WGA nominations!

#fearflashbacks #littleshopofhorrors #frankoz #nominee #rogercorman

It’s derivative as hell, but the needle on my Creepy Sleaze-o-Meter just broke off!

After my parents got divorced, my family moved into government housing. I’ve seen it in recent years, and the area has become a snakepit–grassless playgrounds, weedy shrubbery, and a palpable sense of danger and crime now surrounds the area. However, way back in the early 1980s, it was new, clean, and, most importantly, hopeful for those living under the poverty line.

One of the greatest things about living there was that we had HBO for the first year or so. Our previous apartment had sported a slightly-illegal Showtime hook-up (bonus!), but this was the first time we’d partaken in the American ritual that was Home Box Office. 

I was a new horror hound at the time, and even back then it was tough to scare me. However, a fateful late night in the autumn of 1983 offered up one of the first showings of AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION, and it’s arguably the most scared I’ve ever been watching a horror film. 

Backpedaling from the original, director Damiano Damiani instead opts for the ‘prequel’ route. Using Hans Holzer’s 1979 book “Murder in Amityville” as a template, the sequel attempts to show us why the house got so jacked up to begin with, and let me tell ya, it’s a doozy of a story. In a nutshell, a combative Italian-American family (is that redundant?) moves into the ominous Long Island house with the quarter-moon windows, only to see its oldest son slowly succumb to demonic possession. He screws his sister and then cusses her out for good measure, hears murderous commands from the devil on his Sony Walkman, and starts a series of physical metamorphoses that really, really look like they got lifted directly from earlier films like THE BEAST WITHIN and…hmm, THE EXORCIST (surprise!). All that ain’t nothin’, though, as the film climaxes with the kid mowing down his father, mother, and three younger siblings at close range with a rifle. Fucking hell!!! 

One wonders what co-writer Tommy Lee Wallace was trying to say here. Sure, the frequent John Carpenter collaborator and director of such hotly-debated horror entries as HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH and the 1990 television adaptation of Stephen King’s IT is no stranger to horror craziness. Having said that, AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION, with its depictions of spousal and child abuse, blasphemy, incest, and graphic violence, was totally off the hook for an early 1980s offering from a major studio. The even more amazing thing? The original cut of the film was supposed to include a more explicit incest scene, as well as a separate anal rape sequence that was eliminated only after test audiences reportedly flipped out. *blink, blink* All y’all motherfuckers need Jesus! 

Ultimately, a spate of tepid reviews, competing genre titles, and reigning box office juggernauts from the summer of 1982 staved off any chances for the movie to make a serious dent in the marketplace. Much like John Carpenter’s THE THING, which was released and immediately floundered just three months earlier, AMITYVILLE II was probably just too much for audiences back in the day. 

In the end, though, I couldn’t care less about Leonard Maltin’s “BOMB” rating. I love this chaotic sleazefest as much now as I did when I was traumatized by it at age nine. It will forever stand tall as the most entertaining–and most daring!–Amityville film of them all. 

#unclean&unseen #amityvilleIIthepossession #damianodamiani #tommyleewallace #halloweeniiiseasonofthewitch #it #johncarpenter #thething #thebeastwithin #theexorcist #incest #hansholzer #murderinamityville #leonardmaltin 

“Where a kid can be a kid!” And a serial killer, too, obviously.

We’re going to kick your week off with giggle. A good friend of mine in Wisconsin posted this recently, and I was actually kind of disappointed it took all of us THIS long to crack this joke. Come on, it was just sitting there in front of our faces the whole time!!

Say what you will about Chuck E. Cheese, but they’re the ONLY goddamn thing left at my local mall. Take that, e-commerce!

#killermemes&comics #chucky #childsplay #chuckecheese

Eventually, you have to wake up from the dream, bitch.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5: THE DREAM CHILD is generally seen as the first serious misstep in the franchise. As alluded to in this AP article from the summer of 1989, the sequel took it in the shorts in the wake of Freddy’s media overexposure at the time. Netting only $22 million domestically, the film earned less than half of Krueger’s tasty take for DREAM WARRIORS ($45 million) or THE DREAM MASTER ($50 million).

Here, Robert Englund’s spidey sense is tingling, urging him in other directions that would allow him to do other films like the remake of THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, the unjustly-maligned Andrew Dice Clay vehicle THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE, and Tobe Hooper’s adaptation of Stephen King’s short story THE MANGLER. However, none of those films did anything to sway the public from his iconic portrayal of the Bastard Son of a Hundred Maniacs.

#fearflashbacks #anightmareonelmstreet5thedreamchild #boxoffice #robertenglund #freddykrueger #thephantomoftheopera #theadventuresoffordfairlane #themangler #andrewdiceclay #tobehooper