Quite simply, the pinnacle of syndicated scares in the 1980s.

We’re kicking off this new television-based segment right. I’ve been looking forward to writing this entry for days now, simply because it’s my choice for the best episode from my favorite show of all time, TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE.

After George A. Romero had a minor mainstream hit with CREEPSHOW in late 1982, the idea of adapting it for television suddenly became quite a lucrative possibility. Upon a slight retooling of the concept, a pilot aired in 1983 before the series was picked up by LBS Communications for syndication the following autumn. It stuck with the familiar anthology style of many genre series before it, most notably Rod Serling’s two network success stories, THE TWILIGHT ZONE and NIGHT GALLERY. 

The series was filmed on the cheap by a non-union crew at alternating makeshift soundstages–one in an abandoned mattress factory in East L.A. and the other 3,000 miles away in Long Island City, which had formerly served as a rehearsal haunt for Pink Floyd. Leveraging this rather unorthodox method, the po’ ass producers could stretch their paltry, $124,000-per-episode budget by prepping one facility while filming at the other. 

TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE achieved a handful of classic episodes in its first two seasons to include “Distant Signals”, in which an intergalactic audience demands the continuation of a long-canceled television show, as well as “Inside the Closet”, the monstrously auspicious directorial debut of FX guru Tom Savini. For my money, though, the pinnacle of the series happened right before Halloween, 1986. 

Little Audrey is gifted a dollhouse by her friendly Uncle Richard. Audrey’s parents, Sam and Edith, are at first too busy trading their usual feckless mix of pleasantries and insults to notice that there’s something…really weird about the dolls, which Audrey has dubbed “The Geezenstacks” and that quaintly resemble each of the story’s four main players. 

Enchanted by her offbeat new gift, Audrey’s imagination is quick to whip up tons of new adventures for her dolls. Mrs. Geezenstack indulges in the purchase of a new coat…and then Edith comes home moments later with the exact same thing. When Mr. Geezenstack comes down with a cold, Sam is soon laid up in bed and stuffed full of chicken soup. What is dismissed as pure coincidence by Edith and Richard becomes Sam’s very unhealthy obsession. Where did the dolls come from? Why do they resemble his family? And, most importantly, what will happen to them next? 

“The Geezenstacks” is one of the premier examples of TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE thriving in the shadows of its low budget. Director Bill Travis’s spare lighting and odd, inspired blocking help make the episode’s string-based score all the more sinister and atmospheric. Bonus points go to star Craig Wasson, who would soon go on to tangle with Freddy Krueger in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS. Here, he admirably walks the crooked line between goofy and tortured as a father slowly losing his marbles to playthings that seem all at once evil and harmless.  

Ultimately, one of the best things about the episode is something you can’t fully appreciate until you read its source material, a 1943 short story of the same name by Fredric Brown. Whereas Brown opted to give his readers a chaotic, somewhat confusing shock ending, the adapted teleplay by Nancy Doyne layers on a positively chilling and well-rounded conclusion that insinuates the dollhouse’s story is far from over. 

With their porcelain skin, mute smiles, and jet-black eyes that just might be able to see the future, “The Geezenstacks” will give fans of old-school horror and fantasy some of the biggest goosebumps they’ll have all year. 

#smallscreenscreams #talesfromthedarkside #thegeezenstacks #fredricbrown #nancydoyne #craigwasson #georgeromero #tomsavini #pinkfloyd #creepshow #lbscommunications #rodserling #twilightzone #nightgallery

This summer marks 40 years of Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. But, as Marge Simpson once said, “Of course you’ll have a bad impression of New York if you only focus on the pimps and the C.H.U.D.s!”

From Media Home Entertainment flyer, circa mid-1980s.

#fearflashbacks #chud #thesimpsons #newyork #mediahomeentertainment

A few weeks back, I was in Chicago and fell ass backwards into a retro toy and gaming expo taking place in the ‘burbs. It was here I snapped this picture of a CHILDREN OF THE CORN promo card.

Even sitting faded under all that scratched display glass, I was reminded how goddamned wonderful this one-sheet really was. So much so, that I decided to make it the premier entry in this new category spotlighting horror artwork. I mean, just look at this thing. The menacing scythe. That Armageddon-orange sky. The horrible colored eyes of those shadowy kids hiding in the corn stalks. I could look at this thing all day, folks. They just don’t make ’em like this anymore.

#onesheetwonders #childrenofthecorn #stephenking #chicago

When there’s no more room in hell, the rip-offs will walk the earth.

Also known as: Night of the Zombies, Virus, Cannibal Virus, Zombies A-Poppin’, Zombie 2, Zombie Inferno, Zombie Disco Inferno: Electric Boogaloo, Zombie Creeping Flesh, Undead Combo Meal with Large Fries, Zombies of the Savanna, The Artists Formerly Known as Zombies, and many, many others.

As adults, we pride ourselves on wisdom. Getting through the highs and lows of life gives us insight we can use to offer needed advice to our loved ones and make intelligent decisions. Then, there are decisions like HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD, which we just know are going to be bad for us. That cigarette. That skanky one-night stand in Vegas. Those two packages of Girl Scout cookies that are just sitting there, taunting us. But we can’t resist. 

I originally intended to see this shit carnival one night on cable in 1984 under its US-branded moniker, UNENDING NIGHT OF THE DEADLY FLESH NIBBLERS, but my mum came to her senses and sent me to bed. (Had it not been a school night, I bet I could have pulled it off.) It took me another decade to finally catch it on video, and boy howdy, was it worth the wait. 

The movie almost seems like it was made by actual zombies. Its genius-by-accident mix of inexplicable nudity, bad dialogue, and non-stop, dollar-store gore inadvertently becomes the very definition of ‘guilty pleasure’. From the ripped off Goblin soundtrack to director Bruno Mattei being billed as “Vincent Dawn”, the producers of HELLISH DAY OF THE DISGRUNTLED WHATEVERS use every trick in the book to convince us this maybe, just possibly, could be the work of George A. Romero. 

Needless to say, it’s a total failure, but once you feast your eyes on BURNING HOPPING ZOMBIES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, you have to admit that these folks packed a lot of irresistible nonsense into 100 minutes of running time. In all honesty, I’ve probably seen this film at least six times, and I still don’t know what happens in it or what the point is! (Off the record: booze and drugs will help, so be sure to have a lot nearby before you press play.)

Just like that greasy chili burger you have after four oyster shooters, watching DAWNING SCREAMING ZOMBIES ON SAFARI is not going to be one of the best choices you’ll make in this lifetime. But sometimes, you just have to do it. 

#unclean&unseen #hellofthelivingdead #nightofthezombies #vincentdawn #brunomattei #georgeromero #zombies

Even 25 years after its release, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT remains one of the most divisive horror films in history. Some moviegoers applauded its keen marketing attack and lo-fi scares, while others saw it as a nausea-inducing shakycam bore.

Over the years, I’m sure fans and detractors alike have wondered what happened to the film’s stars, Heather Donahue, Joshua Leonard, and Michael C. Williams. Well, it seems that they were very candid with Variety lately, outlining some contract fuckery that transpired all those years ago. Judging from the comments sections on all the AP reprints across the internet this past weekend, this is shaping up to be as divisive a story as the original film itself.

Make up your own mind by checking out Variety’s original story here.

#horrorhappenings #theblairwitchproject #25thanniversary #heatherdonahue #joshualeonard #michaelcwilliams #variety

Meeting a genre pioneer ain’t easy, especially when you have no idea what he looks like.

With many of his films seeming to be a whacky crash-up of monster movies and black-comedy slapstick, it’s fitting the New Jersey-born Joe Dante started out with working for Roger Corman at New World Pictures. Even some of the director’s earliest works such as PIRANHA (1978) and THE HOWLING (1981) align perfectly with Corman’s zesty, low-budget take on drive-in perfection. 

Turning some tidy profits by the early 1980s, Dante earned enough box office clout to garner notice from Warner Bros. First, he gave a ghastly new spin to “It’s A Good Life” for TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE (1983) before the studio offered him the plum chance to finally command a bigger budget. The result was GREMLINS (1984), an out-of-the-box summer blockbuster that made everyone (even yours truly) suddenly decide they needed a mogwai in their lives–and yes, I still have mine.

I know a lot of younger people won’t get this, but there was a time when we as moviegoers had no idea what directors looked like. You’d read articles in newspapers or magazines about an exciting new genre film but never once catch a glimpse of anyone outside the principal actors. Keeping that in mind, you can understand my surprise when I met Joe Dante by accident. 

Let me explain. 

In the late 80’s, I was a gawky teen attending my first horror convention. It was like Disneyland for disenfranchised nerds so, naturally, I was in my element and totally in awe of everything. One of the first stops I made was at a table that was reserved for Gary Brandner, author of “The Howling”. Having seen the film, I thought Brandner would be a neat person to meet. Soon after, a man sat down at the table and, with not a single other nerd in sight, I was able to easily stroll up and ask for an autograph. He was very kind and asked my name before jotting for me “To Dylan from Joe Dante” before drawing a quick and surprisingly accurate mogwai beside which he added, “ + Gizmo”. My mouth dropped open when I realized the switcheroo. Not only was this instead the director of THE HOWLING, but also the first time I had ever seen him. 

And with that, Joe Dante inadvertently became the first movie director I ever met. Not a bad start, eh? 

#horrorhonorrole #joedante #garybrandner #gremlins #thehowling #piranha #rogercorman #newjersey #newworldpictures #warnerbros 

You didn’t think I’d let June 13th go by without posting something about FRIDAY THE 13th, did you?

Today brings us a nice little coincidence. This is an old clipping, circa 1987, from a Los Angeles newspaper giving a short bio about Lauren-Marie Taylor. Yeah, you know–Vickie from FRIDAY THE 13th PART 2 (1981) and Sheila from GIRLS NITE OUT (1982)!

The Bronx native has come of out acting retirement in recent years, returning to her roots by making appearances in fan films like FRIDAY THE 13th: NINE LIVES and NEVER HIKE ALONE 2. Well, spank my ass and call me Sally! It turns out, she also has a cameo in the much ballyhooed IN A VIOLENT NATURE, which is in theatres *now*. Yes, right now!

#fearflashbacks #laurenmarietaylor #fridaythe13thpart2 #fridaythe13thninelives #neverhikealone2 #inaviolentnature #girlsniteout

Okay, I’m just gonna spill it: I dig Oz Perkins. What I’ve seen of his so far has been impressive. I’M THE PRETTY THING THAT LIVES IN THE HOUSE (2016) was a neat little creep fest, and my personal favorite, the nuanced and drenched-in-evil THE BLACKCOAT’S DAUGHTER (2015) was so good I bought the DVD right after I finished watching it.

Therefore, his upcoming LONGLEGS, in which Nicolas Cage stars as the titular serial killer, is one I’m bustin’ my stitches waiting for. Though it won’t be released until July 12th, it’s tough not to be excited–the earliest reviews have been ridiculously positive, but I’m trying not to put too much stock in them.

In the meantime, you can judge for yourself by checking out the latest trailer here.

#horrorhappenings #longlegs #ozperkins #osgoodperkins #theblackcoatsdaughter #imtheprettythingthatlivesinthehouse #nicolascage

A dreamy, demanding puzzle only for the most dedicated. 

Before you decipher the nightmarish, time-jumping ENYS MEN, you’d have no idea why I have pangs of guilt calling it a historical horror film. To do so seems almost like a spoiler.

The world’s first Cornish folk horror film, ENYS MEN – meaning ‘stone island’ and pronounced “Ennis Main”– is shot in 16mm and stained with a fitting 1970s patina by director Mark Jenkin. It seems predictable at first glance, almost coma-inducing in its monotony. A middle-aged woman, known only as The Volunteer, slavishly chronicles a small clutch of flowers native to a remote island off the English coast. Days of solitude go by, the flowers remain the same, and she neatly logs the stupefying lack of details in her journal. Holy shit, if they keep this up, then I’m off for another Guinness and a piss!

But wait, don’t unzip just yet! One day, the flowers start to change. That’s when ENYS MEN, too, begins to bend and bloom into something much more chilling, lush, and complex. Who is The Volunteer? What the hell is the significance of the standing stone that looms on the hilltop? More characters than you would expect–some real, some specters–float in and out, barely tethered by time or circumstance. Jenkin makes us work for our answers, continually blurring reality while bringing perceived fantasies into sharp, alarming focus. 

If you’re looking for mainstream thrills that offer simple solutions, a wise Englishman once said, “Get knotted, you rotter!” However, for fans of more cerebral genre offerings like CUBE or Alex Garland’s ANNIHILATION, there’s a small island with a big puzzle waiting for you.

#historicalhorror #enysmen #markjenkin #folkhorror #cornwall #england #cube #annihiliation #alexgarland

Back in the day, it was neat to witness Stephen King fully earn his title as the “king of horror” with the release of his magnum opus, “It”.

With the news that Bill Skarsgard will bust out his red balloons again as Pennywise for Max’s upcoming prequel, WELCOME TO DERRY, I thought it would be a good time to post this article I saved from the L.A. Daily News in November 1986.

Four decades on, it’s downright quaint to find these kinds of things, especially when they’re full of speculation regarding “It” possibly being King’s last horror novel. (spoiler: it ain’t)

Just for shits and giggles, though, one can’t help but wonder what Stephen King’s reputation would be had he retired by the ripe ol’ age of 40. To be honest, I probably would have done it. I mean, the average person could get by on the royalties from all those goddamn CHILDREN OF THE CORN sequels alone.

#fearflashbacks #stephenking #it #retirement #ladailynews #1986 #horrorfiction #billskarsgard #welcometoderry #max